I Won’t Show You the Pictures

Yes there are pictures but I won’t show them to you.  Unless you ask.  And even then chances are I won’t show them to you.  To me they’re gross and maybe a bit too intimate for anyone’s eyes – even my own!
The morning started off better than last time.  I woke up thirsty and having to constantly remind myself I couldn’t have water and trying to fend off my craving for a cup of coffee and big bowl of cereal.  But otherwise I was in good spirits, slightly nervous but holding my composure well.
Amy picked me up and off we went to the surgery center.  It was empty and we were immediately entertained by the staff putting the finishing touches on a handmade fireplace Christmas decoration in the waiting room.  (I really wish I got a picture, it was awesome!)
They brought me back to start getting ready, leaving Amy in the waiting room for a bit.  My nurses were immediately amazing.  I bonded with one over Berklee (her husband works for the college and they’re just moving out to LA).  I was so happy with how friendly they were and they really did a great job keeping my mind at ease.  

My veins though were not at ease and made getting the IV more of a task than it should have been, but thankfully we got it in and they allowed Amy to come back and join me for a bit.  We laughed over the warm air they were sending through my hospital gown making it look like I was in a bubble and did all we could to distract myself as the minutes ticked by getting closer to 1.
Shortly after 1 I was given my first dose of anesthesia, said goodbye to Amy and my friendly nurses and was rolled back to the operating room.  I was already feeling it kick in, though they said this was really just like a “cocktail” and asked me to move to the operating table.  (That was easier said than done after “happy hour.”)  They gave me a bit of oxygen, my doctor touched my hand and said “are you doing okay?” and I was out.  
I don’t even remember closing my eyes but next thing I knew I was being woken up by my friendly nurses (I think I was the only patient).  My first question was “can I know what happened?” to which they couldn’t tell me but said I could talk to the doctor when I was more awake.  Pain was excruciating.  They were giving me pain medication after pain medication and I couldn’t find comfort.  My chest was a little tight so they ran out to Amy to get my inhaler.  Then I saw the clock.
For some, seeing that it was after 3 may seem like nothing but when you asked your doctor weeks before for an estimate of surgery length then you would know 2 hours meant things were a bit more complicated.  A bit more complicated meant the potential that important things were removed.  I started crying.  It was a mix of pain plus the unknown.  The nurses decided they would get Amy earlier than they would normally and got my doctor on the phone to let me know what happened.
Thankfully, everything that should have stayed in place did and everything foreign was removed.  My doctor mentioned how happy she was with how the surgery went, especially since at first sight she thought she was going to have to remove a couple more important things that ended up being able to stay in place.
I was able to leave shortly thereafter and while I needed assistance getting dressed, was super dizzy and exhausted, I was well enough that we were able to make our way home as the pain medication was beginning to sit in.
As for how I’m doing now, I’m slow moving though quicker than I was just the other night, dizziness and blurred vision are definitely playing a role but that comes with the territory of pain medication, and I’m rather swollen and uncomfortable around my mid section which upon complaint I am reminded that I was just cut open and had a rather invasive surgery just the other day.  I’m also learning that I’m unable to cut back on my dose of pain medication because it doesn’t take much for it to become too much too quickly.
But despite all that happened and the discomfort in my body, I’m doing well.  I have been overwhelmed by love, support and well wishes and when one of your best friends becomes your roommate for the weekend, it’s really hard to complain.
Thank you all for your support through this and I can’t express how good it feels to know that I am on the road to recovery and there is an end in sight for the pain that overtook me for the last several months.  I feel blessed.

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